1st Post for Monics Playlist

Hello friends,

This is my first post for my page “Monics Playlist”.Here is my 5 list of heart warming soothing songs which I can listen anytime. The Lyrics and music just hits me in my heart and mind everytime I play.I have been listening to these songs from past 5-7 years. It has been in my hard disk from forever 🙂 🙂

Hope you will love it and relate to the music like I do.

1. “Flightless Bird, American Mouth” – Iron & Wine

“Have I found you
Flightless bird, grounded, bleeding or lost you, american mouth
Big pill stuck going down”

2. “Find My Way Back Home” – Priscilla Ahn

Don’t you go,
Away, I know,
Without your love,
I’ll never find my way back home

‘Cause you and me,
So happily,
Make all our dreams of make believe reality

3. “Little House” – Amanda Seyfried

I love this place
But it’s haunted without you
My tired heart
Is beating so slow

Our hearts sing less than
We wanted, we wanted
Our hearts sing ’cause
We do not know, we do not know

To light the night, to help us grow
To help us grow
It is not said, I always know

4. “Iris” – Goo Goo Dolls

And I’d give up forever to touch you
‘Cause I know that you feel me somehow
You’re the closest to heaven that I’ll ever be
And I don’t want to go home right now

5. “To be with you” – Caroline Lost

Wanted you
To take me as I am
Through and through

It’s love me if you can
Could you hold me
Know me
Show me you can

And I’d go anywhere
To be with you
I’d go anywhere
To be with you

Letter to the Brother who has left us for new home :-( :-( :-( :-(

Dear Dapu,

I am shocked, frustrated, angry, happy, sad for your decision. I wish I could have asked you more on why you won’t be visiting Bangalore. I wish I could have pursued you to come to Bangalore just to refresh. I didn’t know that you were suffering from inside. Whenever we meet, I always see your happy face and smile. I will never forget all our parties in Banashankari house. Whenever I will remember Bangalore, I will always remember our days in Bangalore. All the card games we played, the unlimited drinks we had, the jokes we cracked. Tears are not coming because there is anger inside. I wish you could call your friends instead of your lover, that could have resolved everything.But now we can’t do anything. You are just gone. Far Far away from us. You have left us with all regrets. Everyone has one line. What if I … Really, now I realize how it feels like to lose someone. Knowing that I won’t be seeing you when I visit your house hurts me more. I wanted to work with you on my new projects. Dapu..seriously, we are gonna miss you a lot in all our future drinks. I feel my every sip of drink will remind you and our memories.

Now, the memories just remain. But brother, I am so proud of you knowing that you are the strongest person in my life. I know you are still with us. Please go peacefully to your new home. I will pray to the universe that you get your new happy home where you will get all your dreams come true.And if given a chance I will wish that I meet you in different look before I die.

Da Deepu’s send off from all of us

Cheers Da Deepu for the last time. See you soon and be happy wherever you are.You will be missed forever.

With lots of love and tears
Monica

Untitled thoughts 4

Empty Void Space…Memories to fill to erase your memory. Yes, time has come for you to leave my hard disk. Yes, the memory was a good one but its slowing down my system. Lets take a backup of you and put you in some tape and dump you in some corner of this world. When you are ready again, I will ask my system to decide what to do. Go on..live your dreams..stop troubling yourself…

Tunnel End Pvt Ltd

Yes, finally decided to start my company. Thanks to the universe for guiding me to this point. I can’t help falling in love more.Well, so many questions from many people. How, Why,what..endlesss…uffff..first ask you and shoot me with good questions.I am not a business woman. I am a universe lover. I do everything for the people and nature. My love is not bound to just humans. It’s for the rain, sky, moon, tree, flowers, animals and everything in this ‘Mother’ earth.

My plan was to just earn some money through this blog and travel this world.Once I am done with traveling I would have opened the company. But, see the thing is our family wants us to complete our responsibility before leaving home. So, that’s why I have decided to prove them that I will be around supporting them from anywhere on this planet.

So, now coming to business.Let me explain my business goals and inspiration for each goal.

1. Money- India needs money to see make everyone in India happy. So, I have decided to create wealth for all the poor people.
How to achieve it – As per my plan, we need proper education to poor people about finance.How they can grow their money. So, I will be creating a movement on finance awareness. This will be a collaboration with all the bank of the world or India. May be I will start a bank for poor people.
Resource – People who are graduates in Finance background, CA, Bcom, etc.

2. Food – India needs hygienic and healthy food. People don’t know anything about healthy food.
Resource- Need people who have studied about food,agri, etc.
3. Love – India needs selfless love. People in India are so close minded people. Let’s be open about love.
Don’t force your kid to marry anyone in this world. Do you know how much harm and torture you are giving
to your kids. My friends are dying just because of this bullshit same caste marriage. I am really really
tired of this caste system in India. Thank God its not their in Manipur.
4. Respect for woman- Well its not a new topic. But people have lost respect for mothers. Guys,hello hello, can you
hear me. You are reading this blog because of your mom. Remember?? Now, face it.You need woman. Woman
don’t need guys. So, accept it and learn to respect woman. I know you have different hormones.If you
keep killing girl child how will you find you partner. Might be someone might have already killed your
partner in some outskirt of India. Karma. What goes around comes around. If you are killing humans, how
your God will bless you.
Resource- Need some real man to support mothers. Can I see some real man in my company who respects the mother Earth.

Well, many more goals to come.This can be our goals for 1-2 years. So, guys you dont need any skill to join this company. We just need good soul and positive people.

Skills and criteria to join.

1. Good soul who loves the universe.
2. Jobless people and people who are in need of people
3. People who can travel to any place of this world.
4. Need research people.
5. Age group- 22 – infinity.We even hire vampires,immortals, God..etc
6. Sports man who need money.
7. School who needs fund.

Please drop your resume at tunnelend1@gmail.com . If you dont have resume, just write about yourself in email and attached your id card and photo and phone number for our HR people to call you to set up interview.

Regards
Monica

Jai hind.India is the best country to live.

Letter to my Little brother when we fought over the color of a trolley.

Hello Brother,

I am bit hurt that you didn’t understand my point on buying that Trolley. I know it’s a very small issue. We shouldn’t argue for just a black Trolley. I am not worried about what kind of color we buy. It’s about your mentality. Why are you so concern about something which doesn’t matter to any of your self, dreams. It’s about being smart. I dont want you to focus on material things. Life is way beyond the material things we acquired. You will understand this when you become mature.

Do you know why you are so lucky? Because you are still young and you have ample amount of time to focus on your dreams. If you have the right guidance, you can reach your peak point in less time. Having said this, it doesn’t mean that you should rush to anything. After 2 yrs , if you say that you don’t want to become CA, I want to do something else. I will be the first want to support you. I am not forcing you to do CA. Don’t think that if you clear CA, your life will set.You don’t need to put more efforts from then on. That’s a complete misconception. Learning doesn’t stop. You need to keep learning, improving yourself. We humans are not Robot, once something is programmed, it will run a lifetime.We need to keep honing our skills.I am not giving these perspectives for myself. I am telling this for you, yourself. I am not gonna gain anything from you if you become CA.

Always remember something in life. I am not gonna be proud of you if you become CA without any human values. Above everything, I want you to become a good human before becoming CA. Someone who values things, people and respects people from any walks of life. If you help your fellow humans, someday they will care for you. I don’t know how you feel when you help others, for me it feels heaven. Given a chance, I want to put a smile on everyone in this whole wide world. If you do good to people without hurting their feelings, the universe will automatically take care of you. Somehow, the universe will push you on your goals. Just keep going on.

Life is all about moments. It’s up to you how you want to create those moments whether its happy, sad, angry. Its all in your hands. Since you were a little kid, you have not seen my anger. The person I am today, its a completely different person. You can ask Mom, how I used to get hyper for small issues. I used to carry my anger everywhere.
I used to be tomboy also. As a kid, it was difficult for me to handle all the comments that was coming from all the relatives. That’s why I don;t feel like meeting any of our relatives. Even now also I am very hesitant to meet.But still I have overcome lot of this hesitation. Life is all about overcoming your fears and going forward. You need to figure out all your fears and break all those walls of fear. Trust me brother, life is so much beautiful on the other side of your fear.

To become a good person, first you need to know who you are, how you are. For that you need to look inside urself.Remember all the incidents what you did in certain situations.I started discovering myself through astrology and constant research from internet. Even now also, I don’t know about myself 100%. I have a pisces sun sign and acquarius moon sign. So, I keep reading how a piscean behaviour and acquarian behaviour. From this, I came to know piscean are very sensitive people, so that’s the reason I get angry on small things. I can’t handle high pitch voice or scolding. So whenever mom and dad used to shout, I used to react with my anger in childhood. Now since I am grown up,I can control all these emotions. As a kid, I wouldn’t even now what was going on. Again, if our parents knew about all these, they could have handled me in a different way. So, in this manner you also try to figure out your points.I can help you in this.

Brother, wherever you go anywhere in this world, don’t forget your roots. I don’t know how you feel about our home, mom, dad, sisters,cousins. The best motivation in life for me is mom. I can do anything for her. We are here because of mom. I am living the life I want because of mom. Of course, dad has supported her. But I will give her 99% credit and 1% to dad. I love them both but I am more thankful to mom. I always wish for mom to be strong, healthy and happy. I don’t know from where she got all the courage to handle all 5 kids. We all know how she sits full day in a shop just to give a good life to all 5 kids. Even saying this makes me so emotional. I can do anything for her. I can give away my everything to her. My whole life is for her. I can’t spare anyone who hurts her. Even though I am away from home from past 11 yrs, I have never forgotten home. I know I will be safe when I am home. Home is heaven for me.

This time when I came home. I was so depressed. You might have noticed how I was behaving. I didnt even talk to people.I didnt do it just because I was ignorant. Inside I was so depressed. Nov 2016-April 2017 I will never forget this phase in my entire life. I only know what was going through inside me. It came a point where I couldnt sleep. I was so ruled by negative energies. Can you believe me, I was feeling anxiety standing in a queue. I was afraid to sleep alone at night. So I used to call chaothi in my room. I was fearing I will die. I started seeing my dead body inside my brain. It became so worse that at one point I started feeling like commiting suicide. I used to sit inside washroom and search for all the different techniques to commit suicide. I am so thankful to che2 that she asked mom to call me home. The best thing I did in my entire life is to come home in March 2017. I don’t know what happend. All my negative energy was reduced. Its true, nothing will happen if you are around your parents. I am so so so so thankful to mom. dad and che2 for bringing me home. Bro, you won’t believe how I am feeling now. For the first time in my entire life I feel so so peaceful from inside out. I am doing meditation, excerise. I get up early. It feels like I have been given a second life from this universe. I have a completly different outlook towards life now. My goals are changed completely. For me now material things are secondary. My focus is towards myself. I am trying my best to love myself. Love for me is loving myself. All external love will come automatically.

So, many things to say brother..My moto to give you all these advice is not to make you a very serious human. You don’t need to get pressurized by my advice. I am not here to force you to do anything without your wishes. My wish is for you to be smart enough to choose what is right or wrong in life. Stay strong brother. Don’t worry about anything, I am always there for you until the end. Or may be even if I die also.

Enjoy life, create those amazing moments, so that you won’t have any regrets in life. Love Love Love a lot. 😀😇😘

With lots of love and care
Chenka


PD : My brother’s first day in Bangalore. Picture was taken at Benguluru International Airport on June 21st 2017 around 9.00 pm IST.

Untitled Thoughts – 3

What if the world I was looking was never there in this world.What if I am just here to realize.The world seems so small for me to find peace here.Am I just here to let go of something, or to finish an unfinished task.You are not the one where I will find peace and I am not the one where you will find peace.Are we just here to find peace or we are here to create peace.Am I just here to just sit and enjoy this or am I here to destroy something.Let me be me.Love was my end but here I am willing to end of love that is left inside me.Well, love was just the dream I was looking without any scope from the foundation.I never knew you and you never knew me but yet we see a love that is accepted by this physical being, but my soul still keeps looking for that love beyond this physical world.

Untitled Thoughts – 2

What’s so much fascinating about ‘love’ that I love it when I see people fall in love.My life has reached its climax and I am not sure if this is my beginning or an end to it.All I know is I am not fit for this job.I am too shy to even come out of my comfort zone.I don’t even know if I can converse with people.People have their own views on so many things in this world. And I am so into my own worries that I don’t want to even worry about a single person in this world.At this point of my life, I realize I am the most selfish ,dumb ,stupid person in this world.I wish i could have over thought before acting upon my mistakes.Yes I do agree that people learn from their mistakes.But to prove that I have learnt it I need a second chance.But the irony of my condition is I don’t have a second chance.It feels like I am just waiting for the bomb to blast instead of escaping from the blast.I am so ready to get humuliated from the world so I can find the final destiny.

Untitled Thoughts – 1

So many people around, but there is not a single person whom you can find peace.What if I am peaceful with own self.Life gives you 1000 reasons to be happy, but no one is happy until they find that ultimate happiness.I guess what’s they call ultimate euphoria.Some say dreams make you happy, some say love bring happiness, some say money can bring happiness.What if I say that I am happy in my own head space.Yeah, I can be so depressing, don’t feel about anything around me.Everything around me seems all worthless.My ultimate happiness will be sitting alone on top of a hill and just breathing.If given a chance in life, I really want to go to such place.I am all done with this world.I want to live a solitary life.Yes, I would have walked 1000 miles if I have found that ultimate love of my life, but I now believe that one’s love is not bound to some human.Love can be for yourself, animal, nature or for the unseen energy that surrounds us.So many people are living a normal life, just like me.I hate being imperfect but still I am not ready to change also.

TE-2 Parents/Teacher- Creator or destroyer

Dear Friends,

Thank You for your awesome response. Due to your support, I am able to continue posting.Please keep walking with me till the end.

Before I start painting my idea on today’s topic, I would like to clarify that the thoughts are not completely my experience.They are stories and experience I perceive from this world. Please do put your views on this topic in the comment section.

Today in this blog, I would like to discuss the role of parents and teachers in our lives.Well, it’s not a new topic but still, I would like to release my thoughts on this.

Parents are the reason why we are here today. They are the physical God for me in this world. If I got to choose something between my parents and the thing, I would always go with them. I am nothing without them. Having said this, do we owe them anything? Do we need to act as per their expectation? They are the first faces whom we see when we step our foot in this world. They are the people who gave us food to grow, they are the superman and wonder woman who protected us until we became independent. Based on their upbringing, we become the person what we are today. Their every behavior, words, action affect our lives.

At the age of around 3-4, our parents decide that we are meant to get knowledge about this world through schooling. So, they decide the best school where quality education is received based on the track record of the school. They send their children with the hope that their children will become a good person if they study in school or for some they are seeing their own dreams through their child.

So, after a lot of efforts, we are dropped to school. Well, there we meet our second God our teachers. After our parents and family, they are the people who’re gonna guide us till we become someone who could decide on what is right or wrong. We have surrendered ourselves in front of them. Everything they say is like words from God. Even a small action from them affect our soul. They hold our hands and take us to places we have never been. They present us the outside.

In India, our teachers are the Hitler and we are their followers. We maintain a wall of distance between them. I am not sure why but during my school days I was so scared of them. Was it a natural process of getting scared or they made it like that. They used to come into a classroom and start teaching. They hardly smile. They also used to bring a long stick also as if we are animals. If someone misbehaves they will this long sword to trash us. That pain was the biggest fear for me. Sadly, I still remember those big beating I used to get and I feel always remember it. I wanna make sure our future generation doesn’t get that kind of beating. Having said this, we all know our teacher does this to make us a better human.

When I was in school, I was told what to do and how to do it. I was never told why I am doing a certain task. It was just for some score in progress report. And this report card goes to our first God. Based on this report card, our Gods decide how we are as a person. They will start dividing us as a bad student and good student. The good student gets all the praise, comforts and the bad student gets all the beating. Looking at this scenario, I see a corporate world running in schools. It looks like we are producing Robot which have no emotions, but just the forceful education which we are not gonna remember after we leave school. I don’t remember the classes I attended but the good and bad memories I had with my friends and teachers remain with me forever.

Once we finish school, we are supposed to go to college. Here we are taken a bit seriously. We can decide on what we can study. Based on our Indian society, if we are good in maths, we should study engineering and if we are good in Biology we should study medicine. What a foolish stupid thinking. Not even an animal would decide something based on this. In school, we study many subjects.What is their importance? Are they just a subject that we need to study to score good marks? Given a chance to go back to my past, I would have studied arts rather than science. From the place I come, 99.99% of the people study science. But not sure why there is no major difference in scientific space in my hometown. If everyone has studied science but why there are not many novel price winners from India.

Well, dear friends and juniors, it’s up to you how you want to grow up in life. Please do not do anything based on the decision of your parents or teacher. Learn from them but don’t become slaves. You are born as a human to do complete a certain task. Question on each step of your life. Question your parents, teachers, relatives, friends and most importantly ‘yourself’. The answer is within you. Always go with your instinct.They are the signals from the universe.

You are the devil, you are the God, you are the universe.It’s up to you what you want to become before you leave this world.We have got only one life. Please come out from your comfort zone and find out the real you.

Well, at the end of the day I love my parents and teachers. I am so thankful to this universe for giving me, my two Gods.

“There is always light at the end of the tunnel.We are one step away from crossing the end of the tunnel”-

Monica Maibram from Moirang, Manipur, India breathing from Bangalore.

PD: Messy World if we keep following others without knowing ourselves.